How to Tell If Your Relationship Is Really in Trouble

All marriages have problems: He gives you silent treatment instead of talking when he’s upset; you pay more attention to the kids’ school art projects than to the details of his day; neither of you can agree on the fate of Peggy after leaving Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce on Mad Men.

This, you tell yourself, is just what happens after so many years together, right? Or…not right? Because, sure, you’re not fighting, and nobody’s having an affair. But at the same time, what if dangerous issues are brewing? How can you are you supposed to know? When it comes in your own thoughts and actions—that may signal a crisis to come.

1) You’re Doing a Lot of Cost-Benefit Analyses. Perhaps this is you. While walking home from work, you have a little conversation with yourself: “I make dinner every night, plus, I said sorry when he freaked about organic toothpaste—even though I love organic toothpaste and it’s not too expensive.

In fact, now that I think about it, I’m usually the first apologize…and the first to stay home with the kids at night. I work so hard. And what am I getting in return? A hug before bed? The occasional bunch of flowers?” What you’re doing here is a cost-benefit analysis. Corporations do this all the time.

A company that makes, say, skinny jeans, compares the energy, money and time all of its departments put into producing them with the energy, money and time it gets out of selling them, to figure out if it should keep manufacturing pants—in a style that horrifies short, round women all over the world—or just stop. People also use this technique to make decisions. “At the beginning of the relationship,” says Doherty, “this kind of accounting is natural and appropriate [for couples] deciding whether or not to commit.”

2) You’re Conducting an Imaginary Marriage! Just to clarify, an imaginary marriage is not an imaginary affair, complete with dreams of secret rendezvous in obscure motels. It’s a more subtle and, at times, harder-to-recognize fantasy, says Doherty. What to look for? You sitting at your desk, watching Jeremy from production post yet another blissful photo of his wife and himself on Facebook—this time of their trip to Napa for her birthday. A thought crosses your mind: “Jeremy is so much more considerate than my husband.” Pretty soon, you make the leap to thinking things like: “If I were married to Jeremy, I’d never spend another of holiday at home watching parades on TV.” In your reveries, you tell yourself you’d go to Paris with him. You’d come home at night to him in the kitchen making veal cordon bleu.

The two of you would never argue about the cost of non-generic toilet paper or give each other lectures on how many squares you’re allowed to use. You’ve lost interest in you husband taking you to Paris or posting photos of you on Facebook. You’re not ready to leave him in reality, but in the vast and unchecked world of your mind, you’re looking for Mr. Anybody Else.

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VIDEO: ’5 Ways To Hook A Guy’

It’s already the season of love and media personality turned relationship guru, Toke Makinwa shares 5 ways all the single ladies can hook single men just in time for Valentine’s Day.

If you are single lady and you are looking for the right man, this one is for you.

Here are the 5 tips;
Make an effort
Don’t go out in groups (Guys get nervous when they have to meet you with 5, 6 girlfriends)
Befriend single guys
Change it up (Make friends with someone who is the exact opposite of who you are)
Putting 1, 2, 3 and 4 into action

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Reasons Why Women Cheat On Men

In a committed relationship, nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from than infidelity. The subject of infidelity and cheating partners have been picked apart to a point of exhaustion and most statistics claim, -as a lot of people agree- that more men than women are prone to cheating on their partners.

We cannot deny that female infidelity exist, in fact some claim that it is on the rise, but this trend does not seem to garner as much attention as when it comes to the opposite s^x. These days, nothing gets more tongues wagging and more eyebrows raised than the news that a celebrity has been unfaithful.

Jude Law, Jesse James, Tony Parker, and Tiger Woods are very good examples. But shouldn’t we consider the fact that these men only made the news because they g0t caught?

Generally, female infidelity is more damaging to a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying male infidelity can’t be harmful, but when a woman cheats, it is often the death knell to a couple’s relationship. I came across a story earlier today in Daily Punch Newspaper, about a man who was apparently convinced that his wife was unfaithful, so much so that he attacked the poor woman with hot iron leaving her with severe burns and stab wounds.

You’d think that that is enough to calm his demons, nope. Allegedly, after attacking his wife, he also murdered their son just to drive his point home. Well, if I’m an adulterous wife and I come across something like this, I’d immediately retrace my steps, cover my tracks and make absolutely sure that no evidence of my infidelity will ever be found out.

The truth is that, women have always lied about their s^x lives. We’ve been taught to lie from childhood especially in a matter of things that are sexually-related. From the 16-year-old who swears to her father that she’s never been kissed, to the 23-year-old woman who states convincingly to the man, on the first date that she’s only ever had one s*xual partner, we get better at lying to protect our virtue as we grow.

It is therefore obvious that while men might exaggerate their s*xual conquests, the bigger liars are women. Why do women lie? Because we must, and because we can. In spite of apparent equality and a more sexually open society, we are still more harshly judged for our s^x lives than men. I mean, can you imagine a leading female politician having an affair and her husband standing loyally by her?

Due to the fact that a woman’s infidelity can be hugely detrimental to the relationship and her life in general, I think it is safe to say that she would probably go an extra length to hide her secret affairs from her partner. Isn’t the fact that the late Hollywood actress, Farrah Fawcett succeeded in having a secret affair for eleven years without getting caught, proof that women really are capable of more than we think? In fact, the actress literally took that secret to the grave as the affair was only made public shortly after her death.

Yes, both sexes are prone to cheating, perhaps it’s true that more men do cheat, but the age old philosophical question applies here;

“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?”

So, the question is this, are men really more likely to cheat, or are women just better at hiding their indiscretions?

By Olamide Oni

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10 Things You Might Not Know About Love

Ten Things people might not know about love.

1. It can be hard to talk about love in scientific terms because people have strong pre-existing ideas about it.

The vision of love that emerges from the latest science requires a radical shift. I learned that I need to ask people to step back from their current views of love long enough to consider it from a different perspective: their body’s perspective. Love is not romance. It’s not intimate desire. It’s not even that special bond you feel with family or significant others.

And perhaps most challenging of all, love is neither lasting nor unconditional. The radical shift we need to make is this: Love, as your body experiences it, is a micro-moment of connection shared with another.

2. Love is not exclusive.

We tend to think of love in the same breath as loved ones. When you take these to be only your innermost circle of family and friends, you inadvertently and severely constrain your opportunities for health, growth and well-being.

In reality, you can experience micro-moments of connection with anyone – whether your soul mate or a stranger. So long as you feel safe and can forge the right kind of connection, the conditions for experiencing the emotion of love are in place.

3. Love doesn’t belong to one person.

We tend to think of emotions as private events, confined to one person’s mind and skin. Upgrading our view of love defies this logic. Evidence suggests that when you really “click” with someone else, a discernible yet momentary synchrony emerges between the two of you, as your gestures and biochemistries, even your respective neural firings, come to mirror one another in a pattern I call positivity resonance. Love is a biological wave of good feeling and mutual care that rolls through two or more brains and bodies at once.

4. Making eye contact is a key gateway for love.

Your body has the built-in ability to “catch” the emotions of those around you, making your prospects for love — defined as micro-moments of positivity resonance – nearly limitless. As hopeful as this sounds, I also learned that you can thwart this natural ability if you don’t make eye contact with the other person. Meeting eyes is a key gatekeeper to neural synchrony.

5. Love fortifies the connection between your brain and your heart, making you healthier.

Decades of research show that people who are more socially connected live longer and healthier lives. Yet precisely how social ties affect health has remained one of the great mysteries of science.

My research team and I recently learned that when we randomly assign one group of people to learn ways to create more micro-moments of love in daily live, we lastingly improve the function of the vagus nerve, a key conduit that connects your brain to your heart. This discovery provides a new window into how micro-moments of love serve as nutrients for your health.

6. Your immune cells reflect your past experiences of love.

Too often, you get the message that your future prospects hinge on your DNA. Yet the ways that your genes get expressed at the cellular level depends mightily on many factors, including whether you consider yourself to be socially connected or chronically lonely.

My team is now investigating the cellular effects of love, testing whether people who build more micro-moments of love in daily life also build healthier immune cells.

7. Small emotional moments can have disproportionately large biological effects.

It can seem surprising that an experience that lasts just a micro-moment can have any lasting effect on your health and longevity. Yet I learned that there’s an important feedback loop at work here, an upward spiral between your social and your physical well-being.

That is, your micro-moments of love not only make you healthier, but being healthier builds your capacity for love. Little by little, love begets love by improving your health. And health begets health by improving your capacity for love.

8. Don’t take a loving marriage for granted.

Writing this book has profoundly changed my personal view of love. I used to uphold love as that constant, steady force that all but defines my marriage. While that constant, steady force still exists, I now see our bond as a product of the many micro-moments of positivity resonance that my husband and I have shared over the years. This shakes me out of any complacency that tempts me to take our love for granted. Love is something we should re-cultivate every single day.

9. Love and compassion can be one and the same.

If we reimagine love as micro-moments of shared positivity, it can seem like love requires that you always feel happy. I learned that this isn’t true. You can experience a micro-moment of love even as you or the person with whom you connect suffers.

Love doesn’t require that you ignore or suppress negativity. It simply requires that some element of kindness, empathy or appreciation be added to the mix. Compassion is the form love takes when suffering occurs.

10. Simply upgrading your view of love changes your capacity for it.

The latest science offers new lenses through which to see your every interaction. The people I interviewed for the book shared incredibly moving stories about how they used micro-moments of connection to make dramatic turnarounds in their personal and work lives.

One of the most hopeful things I learned is that when people take just a minute or so each day to think about whether they felt connected and attuned to others, they initiate a cascade of benefits. And this is something you could start doing today, having learned even just this much more about how love works.

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Stay Single, Die Younger, Say Scientists

Men and women who are married or in long-term relationships are more likely to survive to old age than singletons according to research. Scientists have found that being married, or being in a permanent stable relationship, could lead to a longer life.

Middle-aged people without a spouse or long-term partner were discovered to be at greater risk of premature death than those who were settled down with their other half, they said. So stark was the difference in outcomes that those who never married or settled down with a long-term companion were more than twice more likely to die in middle age than those who had been in a stable relationship throughout their adult life.

Even when personality and risky behaviours were taken into account, marital status continued to have a major impact on survival into old age, researchers from Duke University Medical Center in the US said. The increased emotional support enjoyed by married people was thought to be an important factor in helping them to live to an old age.

Analysing data on 4,802 people born in the 1940s,the authors of the study, published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine journal, said: “Our results suggest that attention to non-marital patterns of partnership is likely to become more important for these baby boomers.” These patterns appear to provide different levels of emotional and functional social support, which has been shown to be related to mortality.

“Social ties during midlife are important to help us understand premature mortality.” It is not the first time marriage has been shown to have a beneficial effect on one’s health. The mental health of people with long-term partners has been found to be better than that of singletons. Men and women in relationships for longer than five years are less likely to be depressed, consider or attempt suicide, or be dependent on alcohol or drugs, research has shown previously. A separate study found that being married or in a long-term relationship improves an individual’s ability to deal with stress. Office for National Statistics figures have shown that widowed men and single mothers suffer the worst health, with the greatest number of acute and chronic conditions seen in this group. But the 2011 census found that married and civilly partnered couples make up just 47 per cent of households, down from 51 per cent in 2001. Any single man wanting to act on the latest findings about the correlation between being alone and dying in middle age might want to consider their choice of partner carefully, however.

It has been suggested in one study that a man’s chances of dying early are cut by a fifth if their bride is between 15 and 17 years their junior.

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Things That You Must Do On A First Date

We all want our first dates to be perfect. But do you really how to impress a girl on a date without overdoing it?

When you hook up on a first date with a gorgeous girl, it is understandable that you want to go all out and please her, maybe by showing her that you’re manly and in command, or by behaving like a doormat.

But there may be a few things that could be overdone and you might just blow any opportunity of getting to the next date.

The Huggable Understanding Guy tells you where to draw the line between doing the right things, and overdoing them. Here are 8 tips for first dates that every man should know to have a successful first date

#1 ARE YOU IN CONTROL?

It’ss important to be in control and make those tough decisions, like calling the waiter, deciding where to go, etc. when you’re with your date.

It’s not easy when you get all groggy and drool while staring at this beautiful woman beside you.

But there may be times when your behavior borders rudeness and arrogance. Swearing, snapping your fingers to call waiters and bad behavior is just unacceptable. So if you want to hold on to the hope of getting a second date, then learn to be courteous and gentle, not just with her, but with everyone around.

#2 TRYING TOO HARD

You may have waited since you were in first grade before the both of you got together for this date. You may have marked this moment in your secret diary and stored it as one of the best moments of your life. But you know what? She doesn’t have to know that!

She’ss still contemplating and figuring is she’s having a good date. Don’t ruin the moment by droning on about how happy you are.

She knows that you’re happy, but don’t blow it all out, all through the date. Make her wonder if you’re having a great time. Don’t give in to the chase even before it begins!

#3DON’TT SHOW OFF YOUR INDEPENDENCE

You love hanging out and bonding with your guy friends, and every Friday in your calendar might be allotted for hanging out with the boys. But saying that out aloud on your first date could actually turn out bad for you.

You might think that it shows your independence and confidence, and that you also respect her space and are not going to be a clingy boyfriend, but it actually works otherwise. She might think that your life is just too rigid.

Or worse, it may seem like you’re trying to set boundary rules even before both of you get steady.It’ss almost like you’re already imposing a rule on her. What did you think, that she would like it?!

#4 ANSWERING PHONE CALLS

Now no one’s telling you not to pick up calls or that you have to leave your cell phone at home, but you should know how to use it well.

Make sure your calls are short, even if you have to answer them. Don’t cut her in mid sentence to answer the call. Wait until she’s done with her sentence, and then excuse yourself, if only for a moment.

Another way you can actually make her feel more special is by answering the call, only to tell the person that you’re with someone who’s very important to you, and whatever it is, you could talk about it the next day! You could also add a cheeky grin to stop you from appearing pompous.

Now why wouldn’t that make just about anyone beam with happiness?

To top that, you could hang up, and then say, ‘Sorry, that was Bill Gates and he’s just so annoying.’ You could just laugh off that little joke of yours, and show her that you can be humorous at the same time!

#5 BE TOO CONCERNED

Remember, you’re out with someone who’s matured enough to think and take care of herself. You can ask her occasionally ifshe’ss comfortable, or if she requires something.

But don’t keep popping the same question to her again and again. It can get really annoying. Just enjoy the conversation and relax. Don’t push your protective and concerned act too far.

And if you find yourself running out of things to talk about, stop asking her ifshe’ss having fun. Instead, be comfortable and speak about something else. Usually the four magic words – music, work, movies, and shopping, will take the conversation really far and you can also have a great time getting to know each other.

You could also use the awesome six conversation starters on a date to start great conversations. And another thing, if you both have something in common in these four words, then you can go ahead and book your next date’s dinner reservation.

#6 REVEAL TOO MUCH

It’s fun to be with this girl who’s so much fun to hang out with. And you want to prove that you’re a great guy to hang out with to her. So what do you do? You tell her about all your brave, silly and hilarious encounters.

You start off right from the first time you ripped your pants in first grade, and go on all the way to the latest incident. Stop! First of all, she doesn’t want to know all of that, even if she seems like she loves hearing all of that. And secondly, spare some loving and exploring for later.

You don’t want her to know everything about you on the first date itself, do you? Give her a chance to learn more about you by herself. Let there by mystery in your togetherness, and let her wonder what else you have in store for her, the next time you meet up.

#7 YOUR VIEW AND HERS

This is a very touchy situation to handle.It’ss obvious that both of you have different views about different things. Arguing about anything is a big turn off for a girl.

Anything about religion, politics, or moral issues should be avoided at any cost. And even if this does crop up, don’t tell her outright that you don’t want to talk about it, instead try sweeping the topic under the carpet without a big fuss.

Just answer the question in a vague and abrupt manner, and bring up something more exciting to talk about.

Do not be dominating about any of your views, or be very boisterous about voicing your opinions.

Even if she supports something you’re firmly against, just give a small laugh, and tell her ‘Well, that’s one thing that i’m not too sure of, because I’ve always felt the other way about that’ and complete the sentence saying, ‘but I obviously respect your view, and our difference in opinions.’ Anyways tell me about the last time you’ And change the topic as subtly as you can.

#8 GETTING DISTRACTED!

Well, this is really easy to fall for, and one of the things you have to pay the most attention to. When you’re out with a lady, she expects to be treated like one.

Don’t sit across the table and dream or doze off. Worse, don’t squint your eyes so that you can focus one eye on her, while the other eye ogles that girl with those never ending legs walking past you in short skirts. Pay a lot attention to her, and listen to what she has to say.

And for crying out loud, is she’s wearing something with a deep neckline, stop staring at her bosoms and trying to judge how much more cleavage is concealed! This is not the time, and definitely not the place either.

Concentrate on her face, and have a great conversation. Be attentive to her needs. If you see her glass of water half empty, have a waiter refill it. If she wonders what ‘a-la-carte’ means and if you can’t figure it out, then let the waiter help you with that. Basically don’t distract yourself with things that can be put on hold, and pay a lot of attention to her needs.

Staring at a girl’s cleavage is a big no-no too, unless, of course, you know the art of staring at a girl’s cleavage like a gentleman.

If you can pay attention to these little details, it’s more than definite that your first date would only take you further into the next, and then the next.

Every date has a potential to be a great one just as long as you remember the things you need to avoid on a first date, and remember the things you need to do. So go on, enjoy yourself. Have a perfect first date!

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